What goes on in their minds?

I speak of the brainless idiots that occupy the vast majority of the population in the town where I live.
Never have I met such a unique rabble of people in one town, I could almost define them as their own race. While i'm sure the personality of these...people is common elsewhere, the language and dialect in this town is certainly one of a kind.
Imagine a hamster who has just been swallowed by a dog and is clawing it's way up it's windpipe. As the dog vomits it out it also stands in a bear trap. the resulting sounds of this melee vaguely resemble the dialect of my local town.
These people, who are called chavs here and other places also manage to derive humour out of single words, which baffles me. Clearly they think they behold some superiority from the ability to get their tongue round the amazing instance of vocalbulary that is the f-word. And their most comical insult, the core of their unbeaten wit lies in the continuing accusation of being gay.
hell, if they were right, then we'd have no human race left. Why they think homosexuality is so shameful is beyond me but the homophobes are clearly uncomfortable with difference.
Thus, everyone who doesn't swear mindlessly, cause violence and drink themselves mortal every weekend must therefore be attracted to members of the same sex. it stands to reason, doesn't it?
Well, this evening, a group of these individuals invaded my place of work. It emerges that their lives are so belittled and boring that they must resort to walking round a DIY establishment for hours on end.
As they were causing significant amounts of mayhem, I approached...only to find one of them had clambered up on a pile of boxes stacked under a display. I stood quite bewildered by this behaviour for a while before daring to enquire exactly why he was under there.
I quote: "I'm playing hide and seek you F**king gaylord"
Cue copious amounts of self appreciative laughter followed by hoots of adoration from his clique.
Asking them to leave as they clearly weren't in for shopping purposes, I got the well structured response of : F**k off. Which REALLY surprised me.
So off they went, each of them darting in a different direction, making my already tedious late shift just that little bit more irritating. Rounding them up, I eventually managed to oust them from the store. Later, while I was clearing the foyer of displays for closing, they returned, to deliver more abuse.
One delivered the devastating line that she was never going to f**king shop there again.
What made me smile was the fact she thought this would actually make me sad when it did quite the opposite.
Just what a chav would want to purchase from a DIY shop (apart from the restricted goods which would cause physical offence to the mortal enemy of the chav...which is everyone) is beyond me.

I believe a documentary is in order. Get David Attenburgh on board...I for one would love to know what is in their heads. to be so simple would be bliss, I'm sure.