Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thinking Of You

It's heartbreaking to have to say that a tragedy has befallen a good friend of mine. Her daughter, who had been excitedly expecting twins, miscarried this week.
My warmest thoughts are with you both in this difficult time.
Be strong.

Monday, July 24, 2006

An eye opener

At the moment, my home has been invaded by two young children come teenagers. Naturally, with their arrival, a significant clutter has been left and among the game boy cases and Mcfly Cds I saw a teenage girl's magazine. While I was waiting for a meal to finish cooking, I started absent mindedly flicking through, to see what 12-15 year old girls would read.
I was quite taken by surprise. While I knew that children were educated about sex at an early age, it is a different thing altogether to encourage it.
An article titled 'how to really get your boyfriend to love you' involved advice on how to talk dirty and how to perfrom successful oral sex.
And then there was a main spread feature called 'my first time sex' which was a number of quotes from the magazine readers discussing the loss of their virginity. There were tales of drunk fourteen year olds in the bed of a parent, a thirteen year old having unprotected sex with a fifteen year old and two 'soulmates' who found the right time...and split up2 weeks later.
The worst thing was...there was not one negative thing in these quotes. The phrase 'no regrets' popped up incessantly and some described their experiences proudly and said things like: 'now I don't need to feel left out'

Well...just wow. Next time someone ponders why underage pregancy has soared over the last few years, I'll pass them the subscription details to this magazine

This made me larf...

Stole this from Fletch! Sue me!

International Rules Of Manhood:

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag party may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mates fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man . In fact, even remembering your mates birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, Ever! Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza , but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever!

29. If you walk into a bathroom and a man is using one of the urinals, you must have at least 1 urinal spaced between the two of you. No exceptions!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

It should be against the law...

...to bring back a used toilet seat to a store.

Yeuch!

Okay, maybe just a bit TOO deep?

As someone openly skeptical about all things love, romance and relationships, I've recently been considering the situation a couple of friends are in with growing frustration and confusion.
It's like this. They were good friends and are now an item. HE is convinced it is love. So is she.
So convinced it's love they are IN LOVE. So convinced it's love that they feel the need to say I love you every waking moment.
So in love that they also worry when I love you is not said. Or are concerned the other doesn't feel the same. Or wonder if for some reason an impending split is coming on when the other doesn't grope, molest and snog furiously every five minutes.
This paranoia manages to drive a wedge between them every single week without fail. There a tearful phone calls, obsessive texts, awwkard situations, threats to splits then joyous declarations of love...before another thing kciks it all off the next day.
So with all this going on...where is the time to actually enjoy the relationship?
Call me an idiot, but surely the whole idea of a relationship is to spend time with someone you care about, see them, enjoy their company, have a laugh and feel special?
Not argue constantly about who loves who more?
Saying I love you all the time, after every email, in every sentence, will soon render the phrase defunct. it's a very intimate and special set of words, arguably one of the most influential and important phrases you will ever use. You are taking the special element out of it if it is used in this way, surely.
And a relationship shouldnt always be about seriousness and commitment. Those serious, romantic and important moments where you share things, admit your feelings and declare your devotion to that person should be combined with light hearted times spent with eachother. With the best friend in your whole world, you're meant to have a laugh as well. you';re meant to joke together. If you're writing love sonnets and feeling the need to assure your commitment to the other person every moment of the relationship, it is no longer special and just becomes routine and expected. Which takes the whole point of those 'special' moments away.

Personally I can't see what they are both fighting for. All they seem to be striving to keep is more aggrivation, stress and paranoia. Somewhere along the line they have lost the way and forgotton what a relationshiop is actually about.

Routine Boredom

I've never got the whole strict routine thing. Where you rota your life to the exact minute and avoid straying from the plan.
What I'm talking about is setting up a day by day routine. All right, so some things are unavoidable. Work for example, you can't just wander in whenever you please or just decide that you don't want to go in.
But setting your entire life up like a rota puzzles me. I cannot see the enjoyment of living your days where everything is the same day in, day out. Where nothing is ever unexpected and surprises are actually irritating as opposed to interesting. Even the bad stuff manages to spice things up a bit.

Naturally, a specific example has prompted my thoughts down this line. The step bastard sticks his life to a routineand I've decided that this is the reason he is such a dreary little bore.
His routine is like so:

7am: get up
7.15am: (not a minute before or after mind you) Brush teeth
7.30am: go to work
2pm: return from work. Open mail.
2.15pm: do some gardening
3.15pm: Social time. 15 minutes recreation
3.30pm: Make sandwiches for work the next day
4pm: (yes the sandwiches DO take half an hour!) Wipe down benches
4.15pm: Ensure kitchen area is tidy. Enlist assistance of a sweeping brush if required
4.30pm: Water the plants
5pm: bath time
5.30pm: Dinner time
6pm: Watch the news
7pm: Television time. A time also reserved for throwing back copious amounts of beer
10pm bedtime

Weekends only have a couple of differences. Work is replaced by more time to throw back lager. Add at the end of routine, a violent argument, just to spice things up..
Well it is the weekend you know.

I couldn;t live my life to a schedule. It would suck all the fun out of life. I say, live for the moment, expect the unexpected and just go with the flow.
Because nothing brands you a target for fate to screw you over as much as forward planning

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Chicken!

Well, today was the day of my much anticipated and dreaded visit to the doctor regarding my recurring 'issues' with stress and deperession.
I am unaware of what these sessions entail and didn't relish the prospect of discussing personal things. On top of this, there were some bad things I'm not sure I particularly want to delve into right now.
So, coward that I am, I used a trip to a friend's house to avoid this and cancelled the appointment, as I was nervous about it.
Yes, it might be further denial. And yes, I certainly don't feel good or brave about it.
But then again, it is a bit of a relief that I'm not there now.

I will go to the next one! I just need a good kick up the arse and a courage transplant.

Monday, July 17, 2006

My latest alter ego...

...is a creepy, sleazy, sex obsessed pervert with an eye for his adopted daughter.
Don't worry, I'm not going schizophrenic on you all.
The character synopsis above refers to the latest part I will play on stage.
I have been cast as Judge Turpin in Sweeney Todd: The Musical, a part famed for nude self bondage, bringing himself to orgasm on stage and rape.
I can't wait...*gulp*

Not impressed.

Okay, so the legions of fans who obsessively check The Diary Of Mr Slug Take Two for any sign of updates will have noted my recent abscence. This, shock, horror, is down to a particularly strong bout of an illness I'm starting to get so used to.
This required me to take a week off of school, and, after several phone calls from them, during each of which they were assured that my reason for abscence was genuine, they proceeded to accuse me of truanting on my return. The attendance officer suggested I speak to the head of year to clear my name.
But, I'm sorry, why do I even have to clear my name. As someone who regularly attends and puts effort into school and has done for a decade, I expected to have been believed. It is not an unnatural occurance for someone to be ill. It happens. Half the staff at that school are on sick leave for over a year at some point in their career. Many students in my year blatantly take time off to socialise, go shopping and attend concerts etc, yet I am pulled up when I have the ordasity to be unwell.
I swear, if my head of year gives me grief tomorrow when I go to see him, I'm jacking the hole lot of it in and leaving that school. Because I seriously don't know why I should bother.

Monday, July 03, 2006

'Me and my life' Meme

I always get round to answering tags I receive from elsewhere and, Sue, it may have taken me nearly a month, but I have got round to this one eventually! Better late than never!

What was the last song you listened to? What effect did it have on you? Did it remind you of anything?
It was Paranoid Android by the rock band Radiohead. It's an emotive and rather depressing song which fitted the mood I was in. It is passionate and reminded me first and foremost of what was already on my mind...and also of times spent with my dad just after my parents marriage broke down and he took me to a Radiohead concert in Glasgow.

Are you employed? What is your role in your job and do you enjoy it? Relate a memorable experience from your work.
I work in the customer service department of a retail store and overlook the running of the department and the checkouts, mostly at weekends. I have to deal with the dribs and drabs of the community who come in their quantities with inane questions, complaints and demands. Oh, and rarely, we do get a pleasant person to serve as well. I can't really relate a particular experience because, as most will probably tell you, I have one of the world's worst memories. But there have been some big funnies with both colleagues and customers! Do I enjoy it? It's not bad, as a job goes at this age and it demands quite a big deal of responsibility. But it's not where my future lies.

Did you have a happy childhood?
Mostly, yes. Obviously the divorce of my parents was a crushing blow but it became my belief and remains so still that it was for the best in the long run. The arrival of a stepdad on the scene who was less than pleasant didn't do much and I was a shy kid at school so it wasn't until middle school when I actually made friends. There were some good happy times though and, in comparison to many childhoods, I am very lucky.

What are your favourite TV shows?
Bad Girls is great, nail biting and rather trashy. it's a great drama and I find myself addicted every year. And Family Guy never fails to make me howl with laughter. Those two aside, I don't really catch much TV.

They say that in life, you will only ever have a handful of people you could class as true friends...and you will be able to count them on one hand. Who are five people you would class as friends? Briefly describe them.

D has been my friend for a long time. We must have come from the same pod at some point as we have the same sense of humour and often finish eachothers sentence or say the same thing at the same time. Like me, he is completely off his rocker, though he controls it a lot less than I do. he is one of the funniest people I have ever met, and he is a good friend.

M has emerged as a really close friend in the space of a few weeks. He has been there through a particularly rough patch and he is incredibly easy to talk to. He is outgoing and good fun to be with, but I know when there's something preying on my mind that I will be able to have a serious conversation with and hope he feels the same vice versa.

J may have abandoned me but she is a great chuckle and a fabulous chick to be around! She made those drab work weekends a lot brighter and I know that while she may not be as close geographically anymore that we won't lose touch and she is someone I feel I can talk to. She's had a rough ride and I respect her for still being on top (don't take any innuendos from that!)

I have never met A but, speaking to her both online and via the telephone, I have found that she will pull me out of many a dark hole I'm in. Not only that, but she is totally crazy and funny with it

And J and I are almost kindred spirits. She has the same passions I do and the same interests and she is side splittingly funny, and I do love her very much! Yet again I have never met her but sincerely hope I do one day as she is one in a million!

Now I know that this question says 5, but I must add H to this list for being such a sweetie all the time! She's a great laugh and also the star of my drama class. When I'm not laughing at the fact we're forever insulting eachother, I can talk to her as a genuine friend and appreciate that she is a fantastic person.

Do you have any siblings? Describe them briefly. Do you get on?

I have one brother who I couldn't possibly be closer to. He's a funny guy and our fallouts are becoming rarer as time passes by. In the past we have had major fights but they wouldnt have been so emotionally and physically draining if we didn't care. He is always there to turn to, without exception and he is the member of my family who I am closest to.

What is your hobby?

My hobby is also my passion...I love to act!

What is your all time favourite book?

Oh wow, that is such a difficult question. I really don't know. And I feel bad because I haven't read anything in leisure in such a long time.

When is your normal bedtime?

Later than it should be!

Describe your first love

She was very special and I won't forget her. It all got a bit messy (keen readers may remember a post which discussed this a few months back!) and it took me some time to adjust to life without her. But it all happened for the best, everything is okay, we are good friends now, no hard feelings!

What are your plans for tomorrow?

A very unappealing day of school then work...

What was the last fun thing you did?

Firday and Saturday were good days, Friday was particularly special if you read HERE. And on Saturday I went out with friends and got a little bit...jolly! After quite a rough couple of weeks it was good to let my hair down and be able to smile again. Friday and Saturday did that for me.

Is there a special someone right now? Describe him/her. What is special about them?

There is someone very special right now who is on my mind a lot. She is rather small, which is cute and has the most gorgeous of eyes. She can be quite loud and and is very very funny. We have become increasingly close over a few months and are getting closer, in my view. She's genuine, kind, selfless and beautiful...I'm a very lucky guy!

Finally, describe yourself in five words

Crazy, honest, sensitive, cuddly, strange

I won't tag anyone as this takes quite a while to fill out! But it's here should anyone be experiencing blogger's block in the future!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Oh, the nerve!

Some people try anything to get a few bob off something and, at the store where I work, there has been a regular visit pulling a regular 'fast one' for unauthorised discount.
Her method, quite simply, is to pick her desired item, find a cheaper priced item and take the label from it, to put it over the more expensive ones.
She is a regular shopper and even uses her toddler son as a lookout for employees. The whole workforce are now wise to her and she made another such attempt at thievery this afternoon.An item that normally costs 14.99 came through the till at 2.99. I had prewarned the staff in the department that she was in the area so the cashier queried it with me and, right enough, I saw the label did not have the name of the same product on it. The woman quickly tore off the label with a feeble 'oops' and while I went to check the price, she complained that she had to get away to her father's in a hurry.
She was forced to pay full price for the item so as not to expose herself.
Methinks she might not be so eager to try it next time.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Prom night

It's one of those rare occasions that a person will remember (hopefully fondly) for the rest of their lives. The opportunity todress up to the nines, take a loved one on your arm and celebrate the end of compulsory education that has taken ten to eleven years of hard graft to complete.
It's a culmination of a life you have been used to since you can remember...the necessity that you go to school, attend four or five lessons each weekday and see your group of friends for social breaktimes. Now, all of a sudden, your life and where it goes from here is in your own hands and some decisions for the future have to be made. It's by this time that you need some form of vision for where you want to be and where you want your life go.
But hey, before that it's party time. Perhaps why this night is so important in every youth's life (admittedly more particularly in girls who feel pampered and special with the opportunity to pull out all the stops to looks stunning and feel like a princess)
Well, this was what was in my head this time last year as my prom approached. My friends planned to attend, my girlfriend of the time was going to be my date and it was going to be a lot of fun. But work soon put paid to that and because of a colleagues holiday, I was unable to get the night off. I have never pulled a dishonest sickie in my life and don't think I ever shall...but never was I more tempted than night.
However, I went without my prom and that was that. opportunity missed.

In recent months...(it feels like a lifetime, actually) I have become increasingly close to a 'special someone' who just so happens to be a year younger than I am. The path of true romance never does run smoothly and I don't think anyone can appreciate this quite so much as me and her (who I shall call J for the purpose of this post). Four months on, and a lot has happened. But, while I won't go into detail with that, she did invite me as her date to her prom. And last night, I was all dressed up in an incredibly uncomfortable dinner suit and heading with a stunning J by my side to a posh hotel...in a zebra colour 'wildlife' minibus!
The dignified event gave everyone the opportunity to scrub up well, and everyone who I know certainly made a good job of that. I am certainly glad that my 'prom experience' occured a year later as I'm sure I enjoyed it a lot more than I would have a year ago, mainly due to the company I was in.

Now, I know I still have two promises of photos to uphold of my fancy dress day and my holiday but I'm adding another promise to the list that, yes, prom pictures are on their way to 'The Diary Of mr Slug Take two' So, try and contain your excitement and they'll be here as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I hope everyone who reads this who shared in a fab night out with me last night had as good a time as I did.
And particular notes and mentions to J, who knows how special she is to me.