I must admit, it's been a rather tetchy week, in a great deal of ways.
In a week where my state of emotions have fallen below the line of 'just not good' I have been faced once again with the very same decision I thought I had finalised a few weeks ago.
What this involved was abandoning my current lifestyle for an undetermined (potentially 3 to 4 months) for the sake of someone else.
I refuse to name my friend, nor the location or the cicumstances as to why the friend needed me to join them there for a long period of time, but, as it stood, I had decided that, yes, it would be necessary and acceptable to take a few months out from waht I was doing, to go to this location.
This would require me either to drop out of my last year of education (possibly temporarily) or ask about being able to catch up, sadly the first of which seemed most tempting to me. Also I would be left without a job, even though I had planned to ask for a temporary transfer to this location, I severely doubted that management would stretch to achieve this for me.
Neither of these were particularly worrying to me. The situation I was sacrificing them for far outweighed them in significance and overall importance.
So, I had my decision made and the weeks leading to the temporary relocation became days and I was forced to reconsider, in particular concerning one particular person that I would risk losing and hurting through it.
The choice, under pressure, was not a pleasant one to make, as someone would be losing out. But, I had to think logically and also was made, by two close friends who know who they are, that I can't afford, nor should I feel the need, to put my life on hold, and someone else's for that matter.
I'd like to give special thanks to Abbi as well, who was there for me a lot in the most stressful part of this decision and consequently the guilt stigmatised to it in the wake of my choice.
What have I learned from it? You can't keep everyone happy any of the time and it doesn't hurt to think of oneself once in a while.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
It's a girl!
Congratulations to my good friend, K.B, who has last week become a grandma at the tender age of...mid forties.
After a complicated birth, a healthy young girl finally emerged, albeit a little too light.
Best wishes go out to KB, her daughter and the latest addition to the family
After a complicated birth, a healthy young girl finally emerged, albeit a little too light.
Best wishes go out to KB, her daughter and the latest addition to the family
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
A tentative step
After another few days on the brink of rock bottom-ness after returning to the state referred to HERE, I have made a rather bold (for me) decision to consult someone in the professional field to sort through the battle ground that is my mind.
Whether or not therapy will do any good, I don't know. But I suppose it is worth a try, depsite my copious amount of misgivings.
It would be an understatement to claim that i'm a tad nervous about delving deep into stuff I don't want to talk about and open up my psychology bare to a stranger.
But, if I can walk out any time I want to, there's a slight comfort in the fact that it isn't compulsory.
Whether or not therapy will do any good, I don't know. But I suppose it is worth a try, depsite my copious amount of misgivings.
It would be an understatement to claim that i'm a tad nervous about delving deep into stuff I don't want to talk about and open up my psychology bare to a stranger.
But, if I can walk out any time I want to, there's a slight comfort in the fact that it isn't compulsory.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Err sorry but why should I?
As is the norm in my job, I was presented with a variety of miserable sods complainingtoday, but one had to stand out as one of the most arrogant people I have ever come across.
It comes to her turn after queueing and I greet her in a pleasant manner(of course!) Face like thunder...which has struck Medusa and flown backwards through a bush in fright, she dumps a tin of varnish on the desk, without so much as a word.
I, rather stupidly, presume that she intends to purchase the item, as my powers of mind reading had crashed at this point in the day. As i move to scan it, she pulls it out of the way and demands what I am doing, in a frustrated tone.
Left speechless at having my head ripped off, I say nothing and she offers elaboration in the form of: 'I bought the wrong one, didn't I?'
Oh, of course you did. How stupid of me. I should have known, having watched you get served and followed the continuation of your life right up until the point you realised it was the wrong shade.
By this time, a rather spacious friend who resembled a bulldog not just chewing a wasp, but eating a hive of killer bees with vinegar, had joined her.
I am telling the orignal 'lady' to go and fetch the one she wants so I can do an exchange.
She turns to Rex and says:'Oh so I have to bloody go and get it myself as well as if this wasn't complicated enough.'
Ahem. Sorry, was it me who was dumb enough to come in and choose the wrong tin? Why should it be my job to run after you just because you make mistakes. Like i haven't got a million better things to be doing for better people. And if that is her idea of complexity, presenting a receipt and fetching a tin with the same words as a piece of paper she's holding on the front of it, then she needs to get out more.
Bearing in mind that the varnish aisle is adjacent to the service desk and barely a metre or two away (i could see the tins from where I was standing), I offered to call over a colleague when she stormed off.
By this time she was already up the aisle but Rex says: 'Yes that would be better'
I reasonably said that it doesn't matter now as she was already there. But no, I am once again mistaken.
Rex proceeds to get out her phone and call her friend! I watch, forwning as she says down the end of her phone: 'They're going to get one of their staff to get it'
The woman then emerges from the aisle, bereft of a tin of varnish and arrives back at the desk, offering a hard look. 'Well, where are they then?'
I explain that I haven't yet called anyone and call 'any available assistant' over the tannoy, as if I asked someone specific to help this customer they would have surely presumed I held a grudge.
A member of staff arrives fifteen seconds later and jovially asks how he can help.
'I want a tin of varnish' Helpful.
'Not aproblem. What kind?'
'Ronseal.'
'Okay, that's fine. What colour do you need?'
*looks at Rex* 'Christ sake what is it, twenty f**king questions!? Redwood (or whatever it was!)'
*less jovially than before* Okay I'll see what I can do.
Cue muttering of 'it's not rocket science' between the two women.
By this time a queue had built up and my pathetic excuse of a colleague was too busy talking to someone else and writing a shopping list, so I asked the next person if they wanted help. As this much more pleasant lady began her enquiry, The ROnseal lady butts in saying:'excuse me, you're meant to be serving me'
I offered a curt:'You're being served' but she wasn't having it. But she didn't turn on me. no, she had a go at the customer. 'Wait your turn!'
Before the situation had a chance to escalate, my other colleague returned with the tin and, after checking and double checking and examining with forensics and triple checking that he'd picked up the right one, the transaction completed and they went on their way.
And I hope never to see them again. I won't hold my breath though as the awkward ones are also most common ones.
Such is the world of customer service.
It comes to her turn after queueing and I greet her in a pleasant manner(of course!) Face like thunder...which has struck Medusa and flown backwards through a bush in fright, she dumps a tin of varnish on the desk, without so much as a word.
I, rather stupidly, presume that she intends to purchase the item, as my powers of mind reading had crashed at this point in the day. As i move to scan it, she pulls it out of the way and demands what I am doing, in a frustrated tone.
Left speechless at having my head ripped off, I say nothing and she offers elaboration in the form of: 'I bought the wrong one, didn't I?'
Oh, of course you did. How stupid of me. I should have known, having watched you get served and followed the continuation of your life right up until the point you realised it was the wrong shade.
By this time, a rather spacious friend who resembled a bulldog not just chewing a wasp, but eating a hive of killer bees with vinegar, had joined her.
I am telling the orignal 'lady' to go and fetch the one she wants so I can do an exchange.
She turns to Rex and says:'Oh so I have to bloody go and get it myself as well as if this wasn't complicated enough.'
Ahem. Sorry, was it me who was dumb enough to come in and choose the wrong tin? Why should it be my job to run after you just because you make mistakes. Like i haven't got a million better things to be doing for better people. And if that is her idea of complexity, presenting a receipt and fetching a tin with the same words as a piece of paper she's holding on the front of it, then she needs to get out more.
Bearing in mind that the varnish aisle is adjacent to the service desk and barely a metre or two away (i could see the tins from where I was standing), I offered to call over a colleague when she stormed off.
By this time she was already up the aisle but Rex says: 'Yes that would be better'
I reasonably said that it doesn't matter now as she was already there. But no, I am once again mistaken.
Rex proceeds to get out her phone and call her friend! I watch, forwning as she says down the end of her phone: 'They're going to get one of their staff to get it'
The woman then emerges from the aisle, bereft of a tin of varnish and arrives back at the desk, offering a hard look. 'Well, where are they then?'
I explain that I haven't yet called anyone and call 'any available assistant' over the tannoy, as if I asked someone specific to help this customer they would have surely presumed I held a grudge.
A member of staff arrives fifteen seconds later and jovially asks how he can help.
'I want a tin of varnish' Helpful.
'Not aproblem. What kind?'
'Ronseal.'
'Okay, that's fine. What colour do you need?'
*looks at Rex* 'Christ sake what is it, twenty f**king questions!? Redwood (or whatever it was!)'
*less jovially than before* Okay I'll see what I can do.
Cue muttering of 'it's not rocket science' between the two women.
By this time a queue had built up and my pathetic excuse of a colleague was too busy talking to someone else and writing a shopping list, so I asked the next person if they wanted help. As this much more pleasant lady began her enquiry, The ROnseal lady butts in saying:'excuse me, you're meant to be serving me'
I offered a curt:'You're being served' but she wasn't having it. But she didn't turn on me. no, she had a go at the customer. 'Wait your turn!'
Before the situation had a chance to escalate, my other colleague returned with the tin and, after checking and double checking and examining with forensics and triple checking that he'd picked up the right one, the transaction completed and they went on their way.
And I hope never to see them again. I won't hold my breath though as the awkward ones are also most common ones.
Such is the world of customer service.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
All as bad as eachother!
Every time it is the same. The bloody World Cup just brings out the worst in everyone.
In the english, it brings out exaggerated, hypocritical senses of country pride which are non existant for the other three years and eleven months. It also brings out a competitve streak and the chance to stick the tongue out to Scotland who rarely qualify and allow abuse to fall at the doors of countries such as Germany and France.
Apparantely, being English comes hand in hand with despising every resident in countires we once had a war with. Which, to be fair, should mean that we hate 75% of the world's population.
It really is quite sad that such high levels of racism and bitterness between countries fighting to be the most patriotic should arise over a game of football. The world cup is like a non fatal world war. Countires on the defensive from eachother and on the offensive towards eachother.
And it isn't just England (and those insufferably tacky flags) that are to blame. I have no doubt that other countires who qualify are equally up their own arses.
But Scotland is just as pathetic by refusing to support England and consequently deciding to support any team they come up against, just to spite it.
The childish hate between some english people and some scottish people, based purely on their country is really irritating, and the world cup is not actually about a game of football, but about beating every other country then rubbing it in their faces with insulting words such as 'scotchies' and 'frogs' It's funny how in football, you can be as racist and discriminatory as you like!
The lengths people go to in terms of reactions to a bloody game of football are horrendous and embarassing.
I am half scottish and half english.
During times like the world cup, I am ashamed to admit either.
Grow up for god's sake!
In the english, it brings out exaggerated, hypocritical senses of country pride which are non existant for the other three years and eleven months. It also brings out a competitve streak and the chance to stick the tongue out to Scotland who rarely qualify and allow abuse to fall at the doors of countries such as Germany and France.
Apparantely, being English comes hand in hand with despising every resident in countires we once had a war with. Which, to be fair, should mean that we hate 75% of the world's population.
It really is quite sad that such high levels of racism and bitterness between countries fighting to be the most patriotic should arise over a game of football. The world cup is like a non fatal world war. Countires on the defensive from eachother and on the offensive towards eachother.
And it isn't just England (and those insufferably tacky flags) that are to blame. I have no doubt that other countires who qualify are equally up their own arses.
But Scotland is just as pathetic by refusing to support England and consequently deciding to support any team they come up against, just to spite it.
The childish hate between some english people and some scottish people, based purely on their country is really irritating, and the world cup is not actually about a game of football, but about beating every other country then rubbing it in their faces with insulting words such as 'scotchies' and 'frogs' It's funny how in football, you can be as racist and discriminatory as you like!
The lengths people go to in terms of reactions to a bloody game of football are horrendous and embarassing.
I am half scottish and half english.
During times like the world cup, I am ashamed to admit either.
Grow up for god's sake!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The step-bastard
Human nature determines that we feel threatened if newblood arrives into our familiar territory. I would say this was true of most people. Change is a big thing, and often terrifying,particulalry where people are concerned.
And I must say, after trying for eight long years to maturely accept the new person that gatecrashed my new life, I can finally deem it failed. Everyone who knows me on any personal degree will also be aware of my feelings towards my mum's chosen suitor (I use this word in it's broadest terms)
I have tried extremely hard to get to know the oaf and to get along (and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not necessarily the easiest person to get along with) but it's just not happened. Whether it's my fault or more to do with the fact that he's a thick, immature, abusive, pathetic, tempermental control freak Im not quite sure but whatever it is, I have officially given up making that extra effort for my mum's benefit.
She has made her choice and that choice is for her, but I'm damned if I have to be forced to be happy with it as well.
Especially when she's not happy herself.
And I must say, after trying for eight long years to maturely accept the new person that gatecrashed my new life, I can finally deem it failed. Everyone who knows me on any personal degree will also be aware of my feelings towards my mum's chosen suitor (I use this word in it's broadest terms)
I have tried extremely hard to get to know the oaf and to get along (and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not necessarily the easiest person to get along with) but it's just not happened. Whether it's my fault or more to do with the fact that he's a thick, immature, abusive, pathetic, tempermental control freak Im not quite sure but whatever it is, I have officially given up making that extra effort for my mum's benefit.
She has made her choice and that choice is for her, but I'm damned if I have to be forced to be happy with it as well.
Especially when she's not happy herself.
Monday, June 12, 2006
woops...
You may remember THIS post a while back where I ranted about Hollywood altering British history to a dramatic extent for a Titanic sequel.
Well, embarassingly, it seems it was actually a prank which I fell for hook line and sinker, with the trailer merely being a spoof compiling Leonardo di Caprio film clips together. Just goes to show what a wild fan of leo's I am!
I still stand by my comments on Hollywood, but admit that this example case scenario is irrelevant and somewhat defunct in relation to my opinion.
D'oh!
Well, embarassingly, it seems it was actually a prank which I fell for hook line and sinker, with the trailer merely being a spoof compiling Leonardo di Caprio film clips together. Just goes to show what a wild fan of leo's I am!
I still stand by my comments on Hollywood, but admit that this example case scenario is irrelevant and somewhat defunct in relation to my opinion.
D'oh!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
What's done is done
Finally...the culmination of a long and daunting period of stress and emotional fatigue, the details of which I still am unable to relate here.
I've practically had to make a horrible and life changing decision which has plagued my mind for months and left me in quite a confused state.
I finally found my answer yesterday and am now coming round to accepting that I can't plkease everyone.
What I've decided will have countless effects on other lives...and I may end up losing a few people I deem close to my heart through it. But what I've done will inevitable right in the long, so I hope those of you who will feel let down and angry at me will, in time, start to understand that.
I'd like to make thanks to those people who have listened to me over the past few months but particularly to two people, who I won't name here but who most certainly know who they are, who have been essential rocks for me.
From the bottom of my heart and with all the gratitude I have in me and more, i thank you both.
And sorry...
I've practically had to make a horrible and life changing decision which has plagued my mind for months and left me in quite a confused state.
I finally found my answer yesterday and am now coming round to accepting that I can't plkease everyone.
What I've decided will have countless effects on other lives...and I may end up losing a few people I deem close to my heart through it. But what I've done will inevitable right in the long, so I hope those of you who will feel let down and angry at me will, in time, start to understand that.
I'd like to make thanks to those people who have listened to me over the past few months but particularly to two people, who I won't name here but who most certainly know who they are, who have been essential rocks for me.
From the bottom of my heart and with all the gratitude I have in me and more, i thank you both.
And sorry...
Monday, June 05, 2006
Yawn...
well I'm back home now but way too tired to even contemplate structuring a decent sized post.
I will relate all adventures and mayhem of the trip in the near future.
Thanks to Jo for keeping the posts coming in my abscence!
I will relate all adventures and mayhem of the trip in the near future.
Thanks to Jo for keeping the posts coming in my abscence!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)